I am a moon girl.
Always have been for as far back as my memory can reach. I'm not sure if it's because I feel a safety in the grays that glimmer in the shadows, or if I'm trying to harness the beauty of its solemn solitude.
I've never been a woman to draw the looks of men. They don't approach me upon sight. It seems its my words that draw them in, whether intentional or conversational. It's a power that I'm not always comfortable with, because it can lead to a cracked heart - mine more often than theirs, for guilt is a heavy hammer.
Often I question why it is these friends fall for me over time. The replies have varied from "you're so much fun to talk with!" to "you're amazing, like an onion, one just has to keep peeling the layers to get to your center." Last night, a very quiet man said to me "You have lots of stories. And I like the way you tell your stories."
I think it's the safety in that I can't be had, mingling with the hope that I can be. Is it me giving off that mixed vibe?
Is it me whom they see in their looking glass? The magic stops there, leaving only me on the other side, mired in clay.
There is a small seed deep inside of my soul that wants to be wanted, but when it is tended to and the roots take hold, it becomes frightening because all I can think is... what have I done? It feels as though I'm drifting through time, that I am nothing more than a transition, a transparency. I am wanted for my parts, but rarely ever for my all.
It is when I lay my weary self down at the end of each night, and feel the warmth next to me that I know I am wanted, always.
There are women, and some will hold you tight while others will leave you counting stars in the night...
(c) Kymberlie Ingalls, February 26th, 2011
Lyrics: Come Down In Time / Elton John
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