- Kymberlie ~ WriterOfTheStorm.com
- Kymberlie Ingalls is native to the Bay Area in California. She is a pioneer in blogging, having self-published online since 1997. Her style is loose, experimental, and a journey in stream of consciousness. Works include personal essay, prose, short fictional stories, and a memoir in progress. Thank you for taking a moment of your time to visit. Beware of the occasional falling opinions. For editing services: http://www.rainfallpress.com/
Monday, February 14, 2011
Day 16 - A song you used to love and now hate.
Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy
What is there to say that we don't all know? When it came out, it was catchy, groovy, and oh so wildly popular. I should know - my first job as a telemarketer, and nine out of ten answering machines had this song on it! Ay yi yi. I will say this though - as tired as the song is, watching the video is still worth hearing it one more time..!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Day 15 - A song that describes you.
Billy Joel - Always A Woman
“I am a wise young woman who likes to laugh…” I was fifteen at the time of writing that line in a writing exercise in sophomore English. The classic “I am” poem – fill in the blanks. My teacher said that it was brilliant, a fine example of irony. I don’t know about that, but it’s stuck with me all these years.
Today, I’d like to introduce you to me. In writing about my views, my perceptions, my opinions, and the events in my life, it’s time now to present a more dimensional picture. Often perceived in a certain way, few ever look to see the whole package, and really there is so much more to this book than it’s rigid binding.
“Never judge a book by its cover.” So it is said, but the fact is that we do judge on the spot. There are no saints among us. Tell me you’ve never done it, and I’ll spit in your eye. Yes, I’m guilty of the deed as well, though when the opportunity was taken to dig, it was well worth the effort.
Someone posed a question to me recently: “Do you believe yourself to be extraordinary, or are you ordinary?” Thinking about it, the only answer that came was.. “I am alternative.” Posing the question to others, some of the responses were quite interesting, and at the end of this reading, I invite you to ask yourself the same.
But, back to me, it is what we were discussing, no? Perhaps it’s being another year older than I was yesterday, though I could swear it’s been ten since last August. I am a lover, a fighter, and a friend. Having loved some of the most amazing people, I’ve come through some hard battles to wear my scars proudly – not all metaphorical. Look around me to see friendships that can tell a thousand stories. The family photos that you see are much deeper than the glossy, shallow smiles.
Interesting facts about myself: shockingly, I’m not nearly as witty, charming and stunningly beautiful as I appear on paper. It’s out of the closet that I am a “Fanilow” (oh, the longing to be Lola at Barry Manilow’s Copacabana, with yellow feathers in my hair!). I have broken my little toes four times on each foot, the most recent being just three weeks ago. Ouch. Classical music and good conversation turn me on. My online social life is legendary. A collector of things, a hoarder of memories. A pop culture junky, a former disc jockey and current videographer, and an artist.
I’ve been writing stories since the age of seven. Three years ago an unfortunate incident with an ATV left me wondering about ever walking normally again. My movie heroes are Norman Bates, Jaws, Lorelei Lee and King Kong – ask me why sometime. Annoying my kitties is a favorite pastime, because watching them spin in circles chasing a string tied to their tail makes me laugh hysterically.
I’m funny, believe it or not. This is inherited from my mother – she was a champion prankster, and “Mischievous” was her middle name. To know me in most situations is not to see my humor, but yes, I can be funnier than a squirrel that’s taken one too many nuts to the head.
Working for a comedy club brought me into marketing and promotions. There was a knack for that, even thought about trying the stage myself - knowing I can write a good joke because one of the comedians stole a few and performed them without permission, but they got laughs. I even went so far as to look into it again a few years ago, but there’s just one tiny problem that prevents me: stage fright. Ah, what could have been.
My love affair with music. I’ve been a groupie of disc jockeys as long as I can remember, and have met some great ones, including the Wolfman himself. Now that was a day to remember. Music drew me into this world as I grew older, and off to school I went. Ran our little student station for three years, and had a rather popular on-air show as well. For a non-profit station, we had higher ratings in our genre than most Bay Area commercial stations – I spoke to half a million people from that microphone on any given day, and I miss that connection still.
There have been a lot of jobs, having worn the hats of several industries. Retail, restaurants, a nanny (kids were great, the parents not so much), in marketing, in broadcasting. Trained to run a bar – but was too young upon graduation, therefore no job for me. I’m going to own a bar someday, though, a quiet little neighborhood pub. I now do video work for the local racetrack as a side gig. My husband and I own an industrial business. Never lasting very long at any one job, often working two to three at a time, I’ve always soared at the jobs that are not paid for – perhaps knowing I won’t be fired is what frees me.
I’m a Leo, and every bit of it. Stubborn, controlling, argumentative, and opinionated. Complex, moody, frustrating, loyal and fierce. Forgiving when I want to be, and known to carry a grudge for longer than I can remember why. Temperamental, but I know the value of an apology. Rushing headlong into life is my way, though have learned to take the lessons that can be to my advantage. I am a fool – one that’s lost her way. Haunted, wickedly so; this is what brings me just short of being pretty on the inside.
I am a redhead, and it happened like this: Born a blonde - my eighteenth summer was spent working with a guy that had the rudest attitude you ever did see. Oh, we fought so bad, we were fired by the owner’s daughter of this little restaurant every day that we worked together, and yet we just kept showing back up, scheduled or not. One day we were going at it and he shouted at me “you know, you really oughta color that hair of yours red so that people will know what a flaming bitch you are as soon as you walk in the door!”
The very next day… and ever since… true story, I swear. And that story’s gotten me many a free drink at the dive where I learned to shoot pool and perfect my flirting skills. As you can see, there’s a bit of a storyteller in this old girl.
I am a singer. Literally tone-deaf – but in the car I will sing like I am Janis Joplin on her last performance while the iPod blares in the background. Balls to the wall and full of soul. However, no Idol dreams for me.
Then came the party girl – I’d tell you those stories, if I could remember them. A good chunk of my twenties disappeared into those deep bottles. I’m pretty sure I had a great time doing so, either that or managed to block out some necessary evil. But the one where I was caught.. well, that’s a story best kept to myself for now.
I am spoiled by my husband, and am loved. In the tradition of my grandfather, he is one of the greatest men to walk this earth. Sure, he has faults, but his greatest gift is
that he puts up with me. With all of my quirks, my bumps and lumps and issues, of which there are more than a TV Guide subscription.
Above all of this, I am a writer. Thank you for taking this time to get to know me. I do hope we’ll chat again soon. I’ll be leaving some new words at your doorstep shortly.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Day 14 - A song no one would expect you to love.
Pantera - Cemetary Gates
I don't go much for the harder stuff. Even when I was drinking, I only went for the shots when I had one intention, and that was to be distracted. It's easy to understand that people lose themselves in this sort of music because the driving energy behind it will drown out just about anything you're looking to forget. Not sure why, of all songs, this was the one that stuck, but it did. And on a day when I'm wanting to forget things, cranking this one up will do the trick pretty well.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure.
Theme Song - WKRP In Cincinatti
Is there anything more indulgent, musically, than a favorite television theme song? The memories, oh the memories. I have quite the collection I keep with me, always. Just the other day I was belting out "I'm a Pepper" in my car, and yes, it was playing on the trusty iPod.
I liked WKRP In Cincinnati, the show.But I loved the song. Yes, there was in fact a full version, radio ready. Not only is it evocative of my own days in broadcasting, a time that was like no other for me, but it is the perfect ballad of the lonely, traveling disc jockey - "Town to town, up and down the dial."
So when I sing along to this one, when the first lonesome guitar sounds, it's an homage to everyone who ever entertained us in between the songs, who ever felt our pain and celebrated our moments.
Thank you, Tom Wilson, Susan Leigh Taylor, Dr. Donald D. Rose, Roger Collins. Thank you Pat Finn, Anthony Patterson, Jim Dingler, Karla Knight, Katie O'Shea. Thank you, Saul Vigil. Thanks for the memories.
Thank you, Tom Wilson, Susan Leigh Taylor, Dr. Donald D. Rose, Roger Collins. Thank you Pat Finn, Anthony Patterson, Jim Dingler, Karla Knight, Katie O'Shea. Thank you, Saul Vigil. Thanks for the memories.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Day 12 - A song from a band you hate.
I'm not even going to bother embedding this video - just click if you want to watch. On the one hand, metal rarely does it for me, but my distaste for this band goes way beyond personal taste. It goes to ethics. They're native to the Bay Area, and even more native to the radio station I was a part of. Their legacy was built on "The Garage Tapes," the bootlegs that were passed around, copied from vinyl to cassette and shared with friends in a blaze of piracy.
Then, at the height of their success, the music world was turned on its ear by a little thing called Napster. Napster brought to light what people had been doing for decades - from the 50s, at "record parties," where albums were traded, to the 80s when the tape recorder ruled as we all copied songs from the radio to play on our own time. Or the greatest piracy of all - every minute of every day when someone is the victim of that loud out-of-tune birthday song.
But Metallica wanted their due.
I agree, an artist needs to be compensated, to earn a living. But true passion comes from sharing our words, our thoughts, feelings, and melodies. Sometimes the sacrifice of our creations being shared, networked, without a dime coming our way - if true talent is there, your reward will be much bigger, and in the end, generally, so will your wallet. Metallica still sells. But in my mind, and in the minds of many others, they're forever tainted because they forgot their roots. To climb the mountain, then shit on everyone else climbing up to follow - their fans - is dishonorable as can be.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Day 11 - A song from a favorite band.
Led Zeppelin - Kashmir
Favorite bands... Bee Gees (posted them the other day), Beach Boys, many country bands. I suppose I chose Zep because it takes me back to a time of discovery, a time that was fun, evocative - my days of rock 'n roll. Being in a dimly lit studio, trying to suffer through playing bands such as Sepultura, Slayer, and Metallica. Metal just wasn't my thing. Sifting through the old vinyl in the archives, I discovered a genre I knew nothing of, and came to have a brief affair with. A hot, dirty, passionate affair, with the likes of Robert Plant, The Eagles, Journey, the Stones, classic F-Mac, Seger, Springsteen, and more.
One of the most horrendous pet peeves of mine is a jock that segues or talks over the last hook in one of my favorite songs - the tail ending of All Of My Love when Plant wails forlornly "I get a little bit lonely.." Best part of an already amazing song, so overlooked. Sigh.
I chose Kashmir over Love because for me, it best represents the culmination of the combined talents of the group. Hope you enjoy.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep.
David Lanz - Cristofori's Dream
I don't want to imply that this song "puts" me to sleep. Rather, David Lanz has a way of reaching out with his very talneted fingers like a gentle massage on my shoulders, enticing me into a deeply relaxed state in the chaotic storm that is life. Having only discovered him a year ago, I was quickly enraptured by the world inside of his mind.
To have someone sing me to sleep without ever uttering a single word is a talent I only wish to possess. To be able to hear the melodies in my heart is a gift I take to my dreams.
Day 09 - A song that makes you want to dance!
Saturday Night Fever - You Should Be Dancing
I will forever rally for a Great Disco Comeback. And platform shoes should always, always be in style. Polyester, not so much. And the anthem of all disco, "You Should Be Dancing" from the ever-uber-dance-worthy Bee Gees. There isn't a day that goes by I don't wish for two things... to sing like Liza and dance like Tony freakin' Manero.
I have a friend who can, and she does this damn dance just perfectly, a fact she proved at my wedding, when I begged her to make a spectacle of herself. Jackie and our friend Bill, an unlikely pair that owned the dance floor for three minutes, and gave us a moment we'll never forget.
~...Live on, Disco Queens, live on...~
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Day 08 - A song you know all the words to.
Don McLean - American Pie
It takes a special song to cling to our souls, and bond us all in a grand tradition of the Great Sing-A-Long. A song that makes us want to sway back and forth with our fellow man, singing the words without a care in the world for all of five minutes in our weary lives. Most often it is a song of loss, of youth, and of want. Few capture all of those, and more.
Music will never die. But for one day, an entire generation felt that it did. Rock on, you holy rollers, rock on.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Day 07 - A song that reminds you of an event.
Aerosmith - I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
This is our wedding song, Roger's and mine. I remember clearly the morning after our first night together. I felt so safe to be there. And as he slept, I heard this song, and knew the depth of it in an instant. We'd only known each other a short time, but from the day we met just over ten years ago, we've never been apart. Even still, there's not a moment I ever want to miss.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day 06 - A song that makes you think of a place.
Trisha Yearwood - The Song Remembers When
"It was like a lighted match had been tossed into my soul..." ((sigh)) A road that winds through my memory. Trees covered in leaves, each a sliver of remembrance. Crystal waters, and cool, crisp air. Sometimes when I breathe deep, it's still with me. The freshness, the joy, the sorrows.
One stolen weekend, two lost hearts.
Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone
Chris De Burgh - Lady In Red
It was 1988 that this song came to mean something to me. It was the summer before my senior year of high school, and my boyfriend was headed to boot camp. With promises of love and letters between us, he'd declared this "our song," having a video version made with dreamy sequences of me in a red blouse with a red bow in my hair as he sang his out-of-tune heart out.
On our last night together, he was taking me to dinner. My dad took me shopping and bought me my first beautiful deep rose red dress. I felt so grown up.
There've been many men since then, many dresses, many songs. None have ever made me feel so lovely as I did that night. I was his Lady In Red.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Day 04 - Name a song that makes you sad.
Five For Fighting - Superman
This song immediately takes me to a time of despair, confusion, and longing. The following is something written a couple of years ago. Not much has changed. In other ways everything has.
“I’m just out to find the better part of me. I’m more than a bird, more than a plane, more than a pretty face beside a train – it’s not easy to be me…”
I want to be me, for a while - want to be me, free of any distractions, any problems, any … thing. Or anyone.
Isn’t that a hell of a fantasy.
I fight and manage to get through each day and on to the next one, but some days I don’t want to, and some days don’t know how I do. I want to be a non-entity.
A cloud. A whisper in the wind.
Some days I want to cry, too, but don’t know how anymore. Some days I want to just move my lips and say something meaningful about my soul, but I don’t think anyone would listen. Some days I want to yell and scream, beat my fists against a wall and kick a tree… but, what good would it do?
I do write and lay bare my soul, and do it often, but in a way that I’m always trying to link my feelings into a web with yours. A favorite writer of mine, Peter McWilliams, once wrote “these are your words, I only wrote them down.” He hooked me when he saw right through me. That’s how I write - I don’t always want it to be just me in the big bad world. I need to feel that connection, to know that we see the common threads between us all.
But this one… this is all about me. And I’m struggling. I don’t know how to do “all about me” very well. To sit and spend an hour with myself, think only of me, talk only of me… I don’t think I can do that. For instance, my thoughts are rushing around inside so fast it’s like the Autobahn in there, and yet I cannot seem to pull any of them together.
And I’m tired. Tired of sleeping, tired of not.
Tired of exhausting myself caring for others. I watch over my friends, as the stern maternal one of the group. I try to take care of my husband, making sure his needs are met and his load lightened. I’m the go-to girl for my family when they need just about anything.
When anyone asks if they can do something for me, or asks how I’m doing and genuinely wants more than a ten-second “fine, how are you?” answer, I have no idea how to respond. I’m not trying to play the woe-is-me card, honest. It’s nice to be someone that people can rely on. But, sometimes.. just sometimes – I want to be able to rely on people too.
I’ve been doing more things for myself lately. Taking drives, reconnecting with old friends, carving out personal time for writing. In doing so, however, without taking away from the things done for others, necessities such as sleep are sacrificed, and it wreaks its havoc. It’s clouding my judgment too, or is it chasing the clouds away in a deluded clarity?
In discussing marriage with someone recently, I griped and grumbled a bit, and his response was “Don’t worry, things will get better.” What is better? Things aren’t necessarily bad, they’re just… different. That’s the way it goes, right? It’s not bad… we just move into different phases. I suppose what’s going to count at the end of the day is how well you adjust to those growths, or differences, both separately and together.
I want to do things… drive down the coast, just let my mind rest, and zone out. I want to go for walks at night. I want us to be whole, and I want to be whole, alone, as well. It’s very important to be ourselves, and to be as one. The freedom is there, to grow into the next person I want to be.
I just wish I knew who that was. I don’t have a clue. And am I grown-up enough to find my way?
So this… this is where I am right now. This is my pin on the map. I need to figure out where my destination is, and hope that as I make my journey I don’t end up alone. Specifically, I want my husband to be there at the next juncture. There is a difference between being afriad to be alone, and wanting a particular person to accompany you. I never, ever want to lose my husband as my companion, my lover, my partner, but I don’t intend to lose myself, either.
Can I wonder, and wander? Get lost and find my way back again?
Yet if I wander away far enough, it’s entirely possible nobody would come looking for me.
“Men weren’t meant to fly with clouds between their knees. It may sound absurd, but don’t be naïve, even heroes have the right to bleed. I may be disturbed, but won’t you concede even heroes have the right to dream. It’s not easy to be… me…”
October 31st, 2008